On Fast Forward

April has been a very difficult month for me. Lots of overwhelming events have occurred in my personal and professional life. But to top it off, I had to move during the last weekend of the month. When you're a young, single woman, moving isn't easy, especially when you have a hard time asking people for help. On the morning of moving day--today, I was so physically and emotionally exhausted, I had this wish that I could have just fast forwarded through April--simply skipped all the hard things I experienced and felt and saw. But then, I realized that if I could do that, I would also miss all the joys and blessings I also received during that difficult time. In my mind, I began to reflect on them, and I was amazed and overwhelmed by all the good, beautiful things that happened amidst the painful, challenging times. Here's a list of some that I thought of:

• I got to teach a few friends how to play cribbage, which is my favorite card game. We even played a few times after that!
• I got to go to Salt Lake and sing on Temple Square.
• I caught a cold, but it only lasted two or three days.
• I went on a really fun group date where we played Minute to Win It games. My date and I won!
• My younger sister submitted her mission papers so she can serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She is such an amazing example to me.
• I got a pay raise!
• Spring is here, and that finally means flowers are coming up and blooming. The world is starting to look beautiful.
• I went to Tucanos Brazilian Grill for the first time. That is quite the experience!
• That same night, at Tucanos, I happened to run into one of my roommates from a few years ago. I only lived with her for a summer, but she is so amazing, just thinking about her makes me smile!
• My visiting teacher got me flowers because she knew things were hard. I don't think she knew how much I love flowers, though!
• I can think of two nights when I was feeling particularly discouraged and really needed someone. Each night, I was able to find someone to sit with me and cheer me up.
• After having done something very difficult, but for the benefit of others, my dad told me he was proud of me.
• If I ever need a hug, I have one friend who gives the best hugs, whether I'm discouraged or having a good day.
• When I was packing, I took the time to go through the box of "Things I Might Want Someday." It's things like notes or letters people wrote to me, ticket stubs, cards, wedding announcements from close friends, and cute things my little sister wrote or drew for me. I loved reading all those things again because they are reminders of happy times.
• My parents were able to come and help me move. That was special because they've never been able to do that--not even when I first left home when I was 17.

I know if I took more time to think about all the positive things that happened in April, I could make a longer list. It's nice to realize that the world is a beautiful place, and there's no need to fast forward. Just fight your battle from beginning to end.

On Busy

Over the past few months, I've really come to loathe the concept of busy--mostly when it comes to being too busy to see when other people need you. I do think it's important to fill one's life with important pursuits, like education and a career, but when they start to take up so much time, energy, and thought to the point where you can't see when and where you are needed to help, you are too busy.

In my current living situation, busy seems to be a constant, daily, even unavoidable struggle. My roommates lead very busy lives. They are gone from the apartment before the sun is awake until the sun has gone to sleep. Actually, this is only true depending on the season, so I guess they just leave really early and get home later in the evening, around dinner. Dinner is something quick, then they hit the books. There's no time to talk and connect. I find myself starving for someone to just visit with. We could talk about anything. But, they are too busy.

And sometimes, it's all too obvious that they are too busy just to chat and catch up. One Sunday, I had just arrived home from work. My roommate asked, "How was work?" I told her an interesting story about how we hold LDS church services at work for the students. As I sort of segwayed into the Christian church services, she piped in clearly confused with details from the first story and the second story all jumbled. I explained, but her response was, "Oh, I'm not really listening."

Ouch. At this point I noticed she had her computer open and school work all around her. Why did she ask about work if she didn't really want to hear about work? Unfortunately, that's not the only time I've heard "I'm not listening" from roommates in my apartment.

I just want to repeat something important: Education is important! Careers are important! But loving others and genuinely caring for others is eternally more important.

I think President Dieter F Uchtdorf summed up my feelings pretty well in the most recent General Conference:

"Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.

Is it?

I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

I can’t see it.

Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time.

In our day it is easy to merely pretend to spend time with others. With the click of a mouse, we can “connect” with thousands of “friends” without ever having to face a single one of them. Technology can be a wonderful thing, and it is very useful when we cannot be near our loved ones. My wife and I live far away from precious family members; we know how that is. However, I believe that we are not headed in the right direction, individually and as a society, when we connect with family or friends mostly by reposting humorous pictures, forwarding trivial things, or linking our loved ones to sites on the Internet. I suppose there is a place for this kind of activity, but how much time are we willing to spend on it? If we fail to give our best personal self and undivided time to those who are truly important to us, one day we will regret it.

Let us resolve to cherish those we love by spending meaningful time with them, doing things together, and cultivating treasured memories."

On Irony

I have a contract with a fairly popular cell phone company. Ever since I got my first contract three years ago, they have been sending my bills via snail mail. But they also send me a text and an e-mail about it before I even receive the print out of my statement. Therefore, I always pay the bill before the envelope even arrives in my mailbox. Oftentimes, I don't even open the envelope because I know I've already taken care of it.

A few weeks ago, I had to change my plan so it included more minutes and more texts. When the company sent me an electronic copy of the detailed changes, there was an option to switch to paperless billing. I thought to myself, "Why not? I usually don't read the bills anyway." So I did.

A few days later, I got a letter in my mailbox from the company.

"Dear Melissa, Thank you for enrolling in Paperless Billing. You will no longer receive a paper bill in the mail..."

Here's an interpretation of that letter:

"Dear Melissa, Thank you for not wasting paper and postage on your bills that are already online. We just wanted to waste some paper and postage to say thanks."

On Good Deeds

As bleak as the world may appear sometimes according to news and other media, every once in a while, I'm reminded that there are good people in the world.

My list of errands to run today was very long. On the list was a visit to an orthopedic surgeon to see if I will be needing surgery on my knee in the very near future. (No results yet.) Unfortunately, the doctor's office was running a whole hour and a half behind schedule. My list of errands didn't quite go according to my original plans and I was away from home at dinner time. I didn't like the idea of going home for dinner just to leave again. I decided to pop into the food court Subway at the mall and grab a sandwich. I really don't like to do that. I hate spending extra money on food that way. It's so much more expensive; I can make something scrumptious on my own. I don't really know anything about nutrition, but when I eat out, I generally don't feel so awesome after.

I had only been in line for a minute or so when a woman approached me saying, "Ma'am, how long have you been in line? I've been waiting 15 minutes. Could I please go first?" She seemed really frazzled. I was a little confused by that. There was only one other person in line and the whole food court was pretty slow, so I didn't understand how she had been waiting fifteen minutes. But I wasn't in any hurry, and it wasn't that big a deal to me to let her go ahead, so I politely told her it was ok.

My turn came in a reasonable amount of time. While I was waiting for my turn to pay, the employee asked me if I could hear him. I told him yes, but he was a little quiet. He said he was sick and couldn't talk very well. Dear food service employees: Never, never tell your customers you are sick. Also, don't work when you are sick. Thanks.

So, I got to the register and prepared to pay for my sandwich, but the cashier said that an earlier customer wanted me to have "this," at which point he handed me a Subway card. I don't frequent Subway so I didn't really know what that meant at first. Turns out the card was meant to pay for my sandwich, and there was enough on it for another sandwich sometime in the future! I didn't know who that other customer was, but that was such a nice thing for him to do!

It's amazing what even the smallest gestures can do to make someone's day just a little brighter. Everyone is fighting their battle. Even a smile can make a difference.

On Bad Luck

Today was one of those days where before lunch time even came, I wished I could change back into my pajamas, jump back into bed, go to sleep, and magically wake up in time to start today over.

Today was the last day of my Christmas vacation. I spent the past week at my parents' home visiting my family. That's fun, but after a while, I start to miss my normal routine and my bed. When I woke up this morning, I was ready to pack my car and make the one-and-a-half hour drive back home.

I have to listen to music while I do my getting-ready-for-the-day routine. I recently realized that if I put my iPod in a mug on the counter in the bathroom, the mug acts as a speaker and it keeps my iPod from getting wet. At my apartment, I pretty much always just leave the mug in the bathroom and when I'm getting ready, my phone and iPod are in the mug. Well, when I went home this week, I saw no need to stop this habit, so I borrowed a mug from my mom's kitchen and just left it in the bathroom. This morning, I went into the bathroom, plopped my phone and iPod in the mug, turned on my straightener, and went to eat breakfast. I came back about fifteen minutes later to find that someone had previously put water in the mug and there was about an inch and a half of water that my phone and iPod were just soaking in. No way. I took my phone apart and dried it as best I could. You can't really take apart an iPod, though. I put both in a bag of rice and hoped for the best.

I have a very special car. It was a gift from my favorite uncle who passed away last year. It's an older car, so it has it's problems, but it gets me where I need to go. Unfortunately, it leaks oil really bad. So far, I've just been having a mechanic top it off every few weeks. But I recently decided I could learn to do it myself. This morning, in preparation to drive home, I put more oil in my engine. I was pretty proud of myself for doing it all by myself.

My mom offered to pay to put gas in my car before I left, so we headed to the gas station. When we got back, my little sister came up to me with the lid to the oil tank in my engine. "You forgot to put this back on." Oh no. I ran back to my car and opened the hood to find oil everywhere--all over the engine and all over the underside of the hood. The oil tank was empty. Luckily, I had more oil, so I just put it in, but I was so shaken up and flustered that I put in too much. I went inside and got my mom and told her what happened. Then, I just cried. It seemed I couldn't get anything right.

Mom called a mechanic that was a few blocks away and asked what to do. He said just to bring the car over and he'd fix it for free. He took out the extra oil and washed out my engine. I just cried.

I made it back home just fine. I was bored out of my mind driving with no music. My phone is working just fine, as far as I can tell, but the iPod is finished.

I've decided to look at these unfortunate events as learning opportunities. In the future, I'll know not to forget to put the lid on the oil tank. And I'll be more careful with my electronic devices. But here's the thing about making mistakes: Just because we make mistakes doesn't mean we can't get anything right. I've had to remind myself a lot lately that I'm human, and because I'm human, I'm not perfect and I'm not going to become perfect in this life. That doesn't mean I have low expectations for myself; it just means I'm flexible with my goals and aspirations. Some days I fall short, and that's perfectly normal.

I had thought while driving today. Remember that part when I told my mom about the car and then I started crying? Well, this is nothing against my mother, but her response was "Don't cry." I know what she meant by that was "Everything is going to be ok. It will work out." But I think in our culture we often look down on crying. I disagree. Crying is freeing. It helps the body to let out all that emotion that builds up inside. After a good cry, I always feel a little better.

On Hold

Whilst driving on the freeway a few months ago, a rock flew up and hit my windshield and I ended up with a small rock chip. Bummer. I filed it away under my mental list of things to get done. Every once in a while, I'd notice the rock chip and refile it on that mental list. Here's the thing about mental lists: they usually don't get done. It's kind of like writing a grocery list in your mind, going to the store, and expecting to remember everything you need. It doesn't really happen. You're bound to come home and realize you forgot something important.

Fast forward to last week. I was getting a top off on my engine fluids before making a long drive. One employee came out of the office area and was talking to the other employees. I could tell by the way he wasn't working that he must be some sort of manager. He came over to my window and starting talking with me--small talk mostly, but he was nice enough that it was ok. He told the guys on the crew to clean my windows and check my tires, which they usually don't do when I just need a top off. The crew had finished with my car and the manager asked if there was anything else I needed. I smiled and said no, but then he asked if I had any rock chips. My mind opened that file and found that mental list. Yes! I do have this little one right here!

I asked the manager how much it would cost to get it fixed. I can only assume that paying to fix a rock chip is cheaper than paying for a big crack in my windshield. But money is tight, and I didn't really have funds to pay for it. The manager noticed my concern and assured me that my insurance would probably pay for it. Then, he said if my insurance wouldn't cover the repair, he'd just do it for free anyway! Nothing is cheaper than free, so I finally got my rock chip repaired. We filled out some paperwork with insurance information and I was on my way.

A few days ago, I got a phone call from the company that did the rock chip repair on my windshield. The representative on the phone asked if we could get my insurance company in on a three-way call so we could file the claim, or whatever insurance jargon you use to explain that... A few minutes later, we were talking with a fellow from the insurance company. He asked questions, and the representative gave most of the answers. As he was looking up my information in the database, he was having trouble finding what he was looking for, so he asked if he could put me and the representative on hold for a few minutes. No problem. Cue annoying elevator music.

I was just sitting and waiting when the representative from the rock chip repair company started talking. The first thing she said was, "Would you mind sitting here for a minute? I have to pee really bad!" I was pretty confused. I mean, that's terminology you use with your sister or roommate, not with a client over the phone! But I said ok, sure. That's fine. But then, she continued talking! It was at this point that I realized that not only was she not talking to me, but she clearly was unaware that I could hear everything she was saying.

"I've had to go for the longest time, but the door was closed and the light was off. When I knocked, they just said 'Go away.' I really have to pee! I think I'm gonna explode!"

I didn't really know what to say, so I just waited. Soon, she came back and said she didn't know how long the fellow from the insurance company would take and asked if she could just call me back if there was some other information they needed from me. I think what she really meant is "I need a bathroom break and this insurance guy is taking forever. Can I call you back?" But she doesn't know I know that.

You know, one of the first things she said to me was that the call would be "monitored for quality assurance." For her sake, I kind of hope no one ever hears that.

On Worth

The limbless man. A man who God has turned his back upon. A man who endures the laughing and pointing of others who simply don't understand. He's been told so many times that he has no worth, and now he's come to believe it. The limbless man.

Then, there comes another man: the circus master. The circus master sees others' worth with different eyes. He teaches the limbless man of his worth, and the limbless man comes to see what a special person he truly is.

You see, it is so easy for to look at other people and covet their talents, abilities, looks, and even possessions. We see our own selves as insignificant. But the Master, our Heavenly Father, sees more, and He wants us to see what He sees--the beauty that can come from ashes.

"But they're different from me."

"Yes, you do have an advantage. The greater the struggle, the more glorious the triumph."